My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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