I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
