How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i came on her dog
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
