There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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