I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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