So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
