a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
