Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
