So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
