I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
