I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
