fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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