And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
