he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
