just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So many bounce houses so little time
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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