take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
