Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
