I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
3 2 1 whiskey
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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