Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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