my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
