I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
