I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
