doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
