I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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