My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
