no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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