He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
