i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just high enough for therapy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
