:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
