he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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