Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
