there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
