i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
