Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize