What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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