you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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