Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
