i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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