It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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