Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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