Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's the barista slut.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
