she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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