Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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