Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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