Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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