I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
