we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
