is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
mondays should just be called national damage control day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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