He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
