At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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