I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
