I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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